Nurture Principles

I’d been sick for weeks: fainting at inappropriate times (hello, right after my first kiss with a longtime crush), coughing until voiceless, throwing up mid-shower, etc.  But I couldn’t do anything about it because the triumvirate of my day job (high school teacher, coach, and student activities director) needed all of my attention.  My classes needed teaching, my students needed mentoring, the soccer team needed coaching, the pep rally needed planning. You get the picture.

At some point, being sick became too much.  I made a doctor’s appointment.  For my planning period.  Because giving up a day for my health was too much to ask.  If I missed a day, what would happen to my kids?

After the appointment, I darted to the pharmacy with plans to make it back in time for my last class.  But things went wrong.  As I made my way to the pharmacy counter, those familiar stars came fast and furious.  I passed out.

I woke up to firemen (was I dreaming?) hovering above me.

“We need an ambulance for Jane Doe,” someone yelled.

In the emergency room, a kind young doctor sternly warned me about working too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought.  Can I still make it to soccer practice?

A few days later- days that I worked because, seriously, if I took off from work, my kids would suffer and I couldn’t be that selfish- I was coughing up blood.  I drove to the hospital.  Because fate works this way: the same emergency room doctor was there.  He came in and shook his head.

“I’m willing to keep seeing you if you’re willing to keep landing yourself here.”

Holy crap, I thought.  I am doing this to myself.

I was too sick to work.  A day of recovery turned into a week, a week into another.

Meanwhile, I realized two things.  First, life keeps handing you the lesson you need until you learn it.  Fail to register what wisdom life has for you the first time and she turns the volume up to a crescendo.  The fainting spells should have gotten me to the doctor and engaged in self-care months earlier.  I ignored the lesson.  That first emergency room visit should have made me realize the importance of self-care and balance.  I ignored it again.  It was the blood that finally made me get it.  Loud enough?

Next, for all the worry I had about missing my students for one day of recovery, I ultimately missed weeks with them for my lack of self-care.  Suddenly, I realized the thing that was most important to me- caring for others- was only possible if I cared for myself first.

At some point, not putting yourself first catches up to you. You fall ill, you burn out, you tumble into despair or depression or a crevice so deep it feels impossible to scale. Put your self-care first on a regular basis, and the world expands exponentially for you, allowing you to give more than you ever imagined to the passions that drive your purpose.  My promise to myself was that I’d never make life blare that lesson again.  Can you make that same promise to yourself?

Rosie Molinary is the author of Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance and Hijas Americanas: Beauty, Body Image, and Giving Up Latina.  You can find her on Facebook (Rosie Molinary) or Twitter (@rosiemolinary).