Nurture Principles

Last week, I went to George Mason University to speak to 300 Girl Scouts (12-16 years old) that were participating in the Girl Scout Leadership Conference for Latinas. My topics were nutrition and celebrating size diversity. While the talk went as expected, I couldn’t believe the questions I got at the end. It honestly has me worried about what kind of messages are already in these girls heads and how sad American “thinness” culture has really become. Read on and let me know what YOU think.

Nutrition

These girls are young. I knew nutrition had to be about them interacting with food and learning about putting foods together for balanced meals. (Let’s face it. I had trouble learning about “fiber” in college. Certainly a 12 year old doesn’t need to hear how fruit has fiber and how that will help them take a poop.) We all learn better by “doing” right? So I decided we would make two salsas, one veggie, one fruit and then combine the salsas with a grain to make a meal! We also worked with herbs and using salt as a seasoning.

This was fun and I thought it was effective.

I also taught them how they can combine foods for a balanced meal. I gave them one piece of advice about eating habits: eat when you feel hungry. If you find yourself wanting to eat and you aren’t hungry at all, it is probably a good idea to wait awhile until you feel hungry.

I quizzed them after about ideas for putting together a balanced plate for energy and health and they aced it.

Girl scout making a fruit and veggie salsa.

So far so good… I thought.

Body Image

Oy. I was honestly worried about this. But then I got some great advice from colleagues at “Health at Every Size” There is a game called “if I had a quarter”. Basically you can “buy” traits you are looking for in a friend. There are about 20 traits, some are body focused and others are character focused. They all did good “answering” basically what they knew I wanted them to hear. I still wasn’t surprised thinking well Latinas celebrate their shapes so maybe body image is not such an issue with them.

I also talked about Serena Williams (a former girl scout) with them who has been quoted as saying her favorite “feature” is her smile because a smile lights up your life and others. I thought that was great. The talk ended and I felt they were as engaged as a group of 300 girls can be before lunch on a hot, muggy D.C. day.

The Aftermath

There was time for q/a and that’s where all hell broke lose. The first question I got was “can I eat six small meals a day to boost my metabolism?” My brain responded “what, are you kidding me? how do you know what metabolism is and what part of my talk indicated that it was smart to manipulate eating habits to “boost” your metabolism?” Then I felt like I had an “out of body experience” I was suddenly 13 years old again trying one of my mom’s diet shakes, doing exercise videos for “buns of steel”, and looking forward to read the next month issue of a “health” magazine. Then my brain said “duh. you’ve been here Beck. everything old is new again.” I got sad for a second, but I didn’t have any time for that. I answered. “Why do you want to boost your metabolism?” She said “to lose weight”.  My brain: “damn.” So I said “How do you know that weight loss would be healthy for you?” She stared at me. After an uncomfortable pause, I said “You know, the best thing you can do for nutrition right now is to listen more to your body. When you feel hungry, that’s your body telling you to eat. You should listen to that. One day it may talk to you six times, another day only three or four. Can you do that?” She said “OK”. I was as satisfied as I could be with that interaction, but something makes me feel like she didn’t really like my answer or believe it.

Next question: “Will cardio help me boost my metabolism?” My brain: “What the… here we go with metabolism again.” Then I was transported to the 16-year-old me who saved my money for a gym membership “Bodyworks!” Oh how I learned mastering the Stairmaster, watch the time tick down and calorie burn tick up. I asked “What do you mean cardio?” Totally testing her. I wanted to make the conversation about some type of tangible movement and activity. She said “running”. My brain “cool. I’ll take running. After all I’m a runner!” I asked “Why do you want to boost your metabolism?” Guess what she said…. “To lose weight.” My brain “Get off the stage now. You are making no difference. We’re all f-ed.” I sucked it up and answered “Did you know something? Exercise is very important. We should play, get involved in team or individual sports (there’s a lack of girls in sports), and have fun outside. When you exercise you feel better, you sleep better, you have a better chance at doing well in school, which will help you be a better leader in the future. (this was a leadership even BTW) But one thing exercise is not good for is weight loss. Don’t worry about “metabolism” girls. Look for activities you might enjoy and have fun with exercise.” I looked at the clock and it was 11 a.m. on the nose. Time for me stop and them to go eat. I felt saved by the bell. I honestly don’t know if my heart could take more disappointment.

What Say You?

Do you have any stories to share about your past experiences or working with girls these days? Your daughters? I have three nieces and lots of little girls in my life. I’m totally in fantasyland thinking that they won’t go through what I went through, aren’t I?

I guess that is why I do what I do. As much as #mefirst is about self-care… the idea is so you can better take care of others, including the younger people in your life. What do you say to help them shape their thoughts about themselves?

I can’t wait for “America The Beautiful 2″ to come out. If you haven’t seen the first one you can watch it on Hulu for free. Part two is all about dieting. I think it can’t come soon enough.

Continue Reading

When I started “mefirst” in December, my hope was that people would discover the “feel good” benefits of a positive approach to self-care  (vs weight loss and diet drive). Fast forward six months and I’ve been blown away by the #mefirst hash on Twitter and the success with the Twitter chats.

Considering the growth “me first” has experienced, I made a decision that I really want to make this the community it deserves to be. A major first step in that direction is providing several “voices” on the blog. I cannot believe that the first person I asked said “yes”….

Welcome, Leslie Goldman!

Leslie Goldman, MPH

Leslie and I met on Twitter. I asked her to meet me for lunch in Chicago when I was there for a speaking engagement. We gabbed about everything from the weather to whether we should order breakfast for lunch! I fell in love with Leslie’s sense of humor. I appreciated our “story swap” of our personal experiences that led us through different career paths, but eventually brought us together to collaborate on “me first”. Speaking of personal experience, read about Leslie’s here: http://healthbreaksloose.com/health/this-is-leslie-on-lexapro/

Leslie is going to be blogging at #mefirst on a regular basis and I can’t wait to see what she whips up! You probably have read her articles in dozens of magazines already.

Check out Leslie’s bio!

Leslie Goldman, MPH, is a Chicago-based health writer, specializing in women’s issues. A regular contributor to Health, O: The Oprah magazine, Women’s Health, Self, Runner’s World, Natural Health and more, she frequently appears on the Today Show as a body image expert. She is a columnist for espnW.com and blogs at her personal site, www.HealthBreaksLoose.com. She’s also authored a book, Locker Room Diaries: The Naked Truth About Women, Body Image, and Re-Imagining the “Perfect” Body,

@Leslie Goldman on Twitter

Continue Reading

By Carrie Skoll

Guilt is such a powerful emotion.  There are books and every other manner of analysis devoted to the topic.  I think we can all agree that it’s a destructive emotion.

Me First means letting go of the guilt associated with taking care of ourselves. It’s okay to take care of you.  It’s okay to slow down and listen to what your body is telling you that you need.  It might be ignoring a phone call when you have 5 minutes of a quiet house.  It might be declining yet another volunteer opportunity that will overstretch your time budget.  It might be any number of things that help you take care of yourself.

I am much more peaceful with myself when I let go of the guilt about my actions.  Whether it’s a food choice, an exercise choice or something related to my family and my children, I know that I’m making decisions based on what is right for my life.

I don’t always make the right decision.  Sometimes I eat based on emotions, or I snack mindlessly, or I do something hurtful to my loved ones.  However, I’m learning to not beat myself up over those decisions.

I work for balance.  I choose to feed my body the fuel that it needs to get me through my day.  There are days where I don’t fuel properly and I promise myself that the next day is a new opportunity.  I don’t dwell on the mistakes, I learn and move on. 

Along with a million other things that I try to teach my children, I work on this ‘learn your lesson and move on’ technique.  I’ve noticed that it’s really hard for my 10 year old daughter.  Whether it’s a nature v. nurture thing is hard to tell, but it kind of scares me.  She tends to beat herself up over small mistakes in the day.  I’m quite thankful that she likes to talk to me about them, especially since I use the time to reinforce the learning opportunity and the letting go skill.  I only hope that the lessons sink in before the guilt habit becomes lasting.

But it makes me wonder if some of us are more inclined to the guilt thing?  Are those the same of us who struggle with making healthy choices? 

What productive result comes from our guilty feelings?  None.  That’s right.  None. All we do is feel bad about ourselves.  How’s this for a healthier way of dealing with a poor decision?  Look at what happened, find the lesson to be learned, move on.

Carrie is a full time stay-at-home mom and a part-time dietetics student in Southern California.  After being unhealthy and overweight most of her adult life, she made a change a few years ago to adopt a healthy lifestyle.  She is now training for her first half-marathon and blogs at http://familyfitnessfood.com.  You can also find her on Twitter @CarrieSinCA.

Continue Reading

By Leslie Goldman; originally posted on Health Breaks Loose

So, I am now 35 years. Halfway to 70, as my (only slightly) younger brother so kindly called to remind me. May 1st has come and gone with nary a Great Dane to show for it (*pout*), but my husbanddid make a slew of other wishes come true, including my dream of having a sandwich named after me: I went into Starbucks and saw a big sign advertising their Java of the Day: “Lolly’s Birthday Blend – sweet and spicy, bold intensity, nutty finish, the brew favored by Britney Spears and 92% of Bravo reality stars.” (The eponymousfun didn’t stop there; my favorite bakery and salad shop were also featuring Leslie specials, including a whoopee pie with twice the frosting!)

Another stellar way to celebrate my big day? Watching my BlackBerry blow up with Facebook message after Facebook message – scores of happy wishes from close friends, blog fans, college flames, former bosses, my high school locker neighbor and more. Page after page of birthday wishes streamed through all day long, plastering a perma-grim on my punim. Even better: Not a single one said, “You have a lumpy, disgusting butt.”

Shocking, right? But in fact, the only person who ever says things like that to me is…yours truly. I know, I know, I’m a body image blogger and I talk a good game about loving yourself unconditionally. But I’m not superhuman, and horrid, self-defeating thoughts still creep in from time to time. But yesterday, as I scrolled through all the lovely, heartfelt messages, I thought to myself, “THIS is how I should treat myself. I need to see myself as other see me.”

Like this one from Jamie Len, a new friend I made after interviewing her for an espnW.com story: “HAPPY BDAY LG!!!! You are one of the most wonderful, entertaining, and inspirational woman I have ever known…and am honored to call u a friend!” Please note, she did not mention anything about what number pops up when I step on the scale, or the jar of peanut butter I pounded through last week.

Or this one from Annie, a treasured magazine editor: “Happy Birthday to a wonderful person:) ” Annie respects me for my writing skills, not my ability to squeeze into a Size 6.

Charlotte, a faraway blogger friend, wished me “a year full of Brazilians, hamburger bras and lunches with Morty. Not in that order.” Inside jokes, all – and proof that she pays attention, that she knows me, that she values what I have to say…even if it is something seemingly senseless about undergarments constructed with ground meat. And not one judgy mention of the chocolate cake with multiple frosting layers I took down last night.

My bestie, Amanda, wrote, “Love you, Lolly! This will be your best, most-blessed year! Xoxoxoxoxoxo, etc…..♥, Mandy.” Amanda knows some of the struggles I’ve endured in the past year, and her prediction for a blessing-filled year shows me she believes in me, that she wants what’s best for me – not that she cares about whether I have a six-pack.

And, as with many things in life, it was the words of a sage therapist who put everything in perspective. My friend Mary Jo typed “Leslie Goldman Alter, its your birthday!! Don’t forget to enjoy every single second and then go after a fabulous year.”

My birthday wish for all of you: A fabulous year filled with constructive, positive, healthy thoughts. Let’s give ourselves the gift of compassion, of kindness, of seeing ourselves through the eyes of those who love us for who we are, not what we look like.

Starbucks’ special Java of the Day 

Sweet Mandy B’s special Whoopie Pie of the Day 

Continue Reading

In celebration of MOMS, I’m starting a list of free gift ideas for mothers day! Of course, my #1 idea is the gift of the “mefirst” mindset! I bet there isn’t a mom out there who does not feel at least a little bit guilty about taking time for themselves. Of course, the #mefirst die hards know that it’s like the airplane oxygen mask. You secure your own and then help those around you. Anyone who has felt that good mood, boost of energy, or elevation that comes with self-care, you know what I’m talking about. Why don’t we make sure the moms in our lives get that experience?

What Can I Do?

You can give them permission to take time for themselves. Get them to see rest, exercise, stress management, and eating well as self-care. Get them to envision how much more productive, successful, and happier they will be if they make time for themselves. Let them know no matter where they are at right now, they can take steps for more balance in their life.

We’ve Got Tools

Print out the “me first” pledge and give it to them. Tell them you will be there for them. Talk with them about their health and wellness goals. Let them know ways you can help them get there. Co-sign their “me first” commitment pledge. And be their BIGGEST cheerleader. (rah rah rah)

Other Free Ideas

Here are just a few other ideas I have for free “thank yous” to moms.

• Send a handwritten card or letter and let them know how much you value her
• Spend a few hours cleaning and organizing a room for her
• Babysit so she can go workout or get some rest
• Compile some of your favorite recipes, make one for her and give her the other recipes

What other free ideas do YOU have? Post ‘em in the comments.

Have you signed the “me first” pledge yet?

Continue Reading

By: Rebecca Scritchfield

Today is going to be a great day! That’s because I get to do what I love best… talk! (LOL, seriously, I was voted “most talkative” in middle school and high school). No. What I love best is engaging people and helping them think differently about their health and wellness. I want people to see their daily choices about nutrition, exercise, and managing stress as self-care. Unfortunately, we don’t. Most women (97%) spend most days “bashing” the way they look. We don’t get any help from certain forms of media either. Take this month’s issue of Marie Claire. They published self-proclaimed “nutritionists” daily food journals. One woman starved herself all day and then binged on fruit, smoothies, and a box of macaroons once she finally let herself eat at dinner time. That’s disordered. Period. And any real nutrition expert with proper training would be able to tell you that (as if you couldn’t figure that out for yourself!)

So today is going to be a great day! Today I get to speak with influential women and clear the air. I’ll bust some serious myths about healthy eating… such as “eating after 7p.m. causes weight gain”. I’ll take them on a “flavor tour” tasting four different chocolates and documenting flavor notes. (This is a stealth way of teaching mindful eating, using all their senses. Savoring chocolate and choosing your favorite based on taste, not a food label.) I’ll show them how they can start with any food and “add nutrition” by adding veggies, nuts or seeds, beans, and herbs. We’ll also make a vitality fruit smoothie (banana split flavor – oh yeah!) using the approach of “add nutrition” – and the best part is I’ll be working with a 12 year-old girl (the granddaughter of the President of the women’s group).

I get so excited about every speaking engagement like it is the best one I’m going to do. I realize that I might only have an hour of their time. But a lot can happen in an hour. I hope to bring a more positive message about health, wellness, and body image to the group. I hope to change at least one person’s life today.

(And one other cool thing… yet totally unrelated… I’m speaking after George Bush! I won’t even run into him as we are in different rooms. This meeting boasts a list of major “world class” speakers Dennis Miller, Steven D. Levitt author of Freakonomics, Veteran Democratic political strategist Donna Brazile… just to name a few! I kinda can’t believe I’m part of this meeting.)

Learn more about my speaking: www.nurtureprinciples.com and my online community for self care the “ME” movement on Twitter @ScritchfieldRD and #mefirst

Continue Reading

My grandmother, Honey, is here to visit for Easter:

Unfortunately, everything we do is centered around food.  She can’t walk very much, has a cane, and a portable oxygen tank.  I’m doing the best I can to be aware of my fullness and not eat just to eat, but it’s hard to deny that my grandmother is the person who gave me a lot of the bad habits and feelings about food that I have had all my life.  Don’t get wrong, I love my Honey more than anything, and I grew up spending a lot of time with her.  But to give you an idea of how she feels about food, let me tell you a story from Easter lunch yesterday.  We had a delicious lunch–I tried to keep it healthy starting with a salad and finishing with grilled fish.  I feel like I hadn’t had a lot of veggies in the past few days, so the salad was key.  Anyway, enough about me.  Honey had her lunch of grilled tenderloin, cornbread stuffing, and carrots.  She hadn’t quite finished her food, but said she was full.  She wanted to bring it home with her, but I told her she shouldn’t as there wasn’t going to really be any time to eat the leftovers.  So, she proceeded to keep eating.  Can’t waste the food!  I was in shock.  I had to tell her to stop eating if she was full.  It was such an eye-opening experience.

Honey is going to be here until tomorrow afternoon, and we of course have a few more meals ahead of us.  Again, if I could think of other things to do, I would.  But I know what my grandmother likes, and it is very important to me that she is happy and enjoying herself.  This may not be the best attitude for my journey and for my health, but I don’t know how many more trips like this she’ll have, so I want to make the most of it.  I’ll start putting myself first again on Wednesday.

Continue Reading

By Leslie Goldman-Originally posted on http://healthbreaksloose.com/

When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up and become a fashion and jewelry designer. I dabbled in both industries before I was old enough to wear a bra, even opening my own “jewelry store” calledDazzle by Leslie. I created – and sold, to varioussuckers compassionate family members – matching earrings, pins and barrettes made out of rhinestone-dusted Legos (yes) or splatter-painted wooden hearts of various sizes …again, bedazzled with fabulous faux crystals.  Much like Adult Leslie, back then, there was no such thing as too much shiny. I even had my own sparkly business cards. (Of course, this was before email or Twitter, so customers had to contact me at my parents’ house on Ridgewood Lane.) Dazzle by Leslie was, plain and simple, a smash hit on the Buffalo Grove Bar Mitzvah circuit.

I also designed clothes for my Barbie dolls. I remember sewing my mom’s fabric scraps into deliriously glamorous outfits for my pint-sized babes – satin ball gowns, denim jumpsuits, gold lame bathing suits. And even though I was still a half-decade away from needing a bra, I recall having a hard time fitting Barbie’s enormous chest. As Joe Simpson once famously opined of his daughter, Jessica, “She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up !” But while it was frustrating for this child designer to struggle to accommodate Barbie’s curves, I was also mesmerized by them. Barbie was everything I wasn’t: Thin, blonde, tan, blue-eyed, and a real woman.

But do I blame her for the eating disorder I developed in college? Only a tiny bit – about as much as you could fit into, say, her size 2 perma-pointed foot. It was Barbie, it was my dad’s Playboys, it was airbrushed ads (before I knew what airbrushing was),  Diet Coke and Snackwells, Howard Stern, MTV music videos, models on the runway, catcallers on the street, stories of liposuction and breast implants. It was genetics and family dynamics, nature and nurture.

I found myself assessing Barbie’s role as I flew to New York Sunday night for my Today Show appearance with – who else? – Barbie! Hamilton College student Galia Slayen constructed a life-sized Barbie doll by extrapolating her measurements to adult size. The result: A 6’0”, 11o-lb monstrosity, with Dolly Partonesque 39-18-33 proportions. Galia and I spoke with Natalie Morales (who actually interviewed me for my very firstToday Show appearance, when my book, Locker Room Diaries debuted) Monday morning. Here’s what we had to say:

Watch Leslie go toe-to-toe with a life-sized Barbie doll on the Today Show.

Dr. Robyn Silverman was also interviewed for the segment. Check out her take on Barbie here.

Who’s Catcall Avenger Barbie? Locker Room Barbie?

Continue Reading

By Leslie Goldman

A few years back, my cousin Rob visited his mother at her New England home. She asked a seemingly simple favor: Could he help with some yard work? Rob, nice Jewish boy that he is, headed out to rake the leaves. It was a warm day so he stripped off his shirt before digging in. When confronted with his bare torso, my aunt calmly commented in her thick Boston accent, “My, you’re getting round.”

Then, the very next sentence: “When you’re finished, come inside. I made you pie.”

I imagine Sally Struthers’ pained, empathic voice narrating: “All around the world, countless other young Jewish women and men are suffering this same experience. Guilt. Passive-aggressiveness. Love offered in the form of baked goods. Pick up the phone now and call 1-800-HERE – EAT.”

I was reminded of this exchange when the New York Times recently ran a story highlighting a wave of anorexia and eating disorders among teenage Orthodox Jewish girls. I have long felt that to be Jewish is to have an eating disorder: Pressure to succeed. Perfectionism. Mothers constantly on the Grapefruit Diet or Weight Watchers (founded by a Jew!) or uching in the bedroom mirror. A total lack of personal boundaries amongst family. The societal struggle to conform (Victoria’s Secret is epitomized by long/lean-limbed Germans and bedroom-eyed Frenchwomen; there’s not much of a demand to see Mayim Bialik in a thong bikini.) All lay a fertile groundwork for feeling like complete and total crap about the way we look, not to mention a woefully distorted view of who we are as individuals.

Our holidays alone are enough to put a girl on Lexapro: We fast from sundown to sundown on Yom Kippur, our day of atonement, then “break the fast,” a massive group binge the likes of which have not been seen since my junior year of college. During Passover, we deny ourselves any type of bread or pasta for eight days — it’s like going on Atkins (another Jew!), but instead of losing weight, you get constipated. Oh, and we are commanded to slaughter a lamb and wipe its blood on our front doors to protect our eldest brother from being slain by a passing evil spirit. Is it any wonder we have issues?

As a 5’11″ blonde woman, I’ve heard my share of “That’s funny, you don’t look Jewish!” comments – generally said as a compliment. But my height and hair colorist didn’t prevent me from falling into the trap of anorexia. Now recovered, I hope to raise my one-day daughter to truly value herself inside and out; to hone her strength and smarts; to feel respected as an individual by her parents. Then again, this is how I was raised and I still became a body image cliché in college. How can Jewish families revamp our cultural traditions and priorities to raise confident, empowered children who don’t grasp hold of food as a means of control?

Tell me what you think. Then go fix yourself a sandwich. You really are looking a little thin.

Leslie Goldman writes for Women’s Health, O: The Oprah Magazine, Self, Health, Natural Health, Runner’s World and more. She is the author of Locker Room Diaries: The Naked Truth About Women, Body Image, and Re-imagining the “Perfect” Body (Da Capo, 2007). Follow her on Twitter @LeslieGoldman

Continue Reading

Posted on Gluten Free Goodness Blog:

I stumbled upon Rebecca Scritchfield’s Nurture Principles and I was delighted at from first glance! Rebecca is a fellow RD and I haven’t had the pleasure to meet her in person (yet) but this philosophy meshes so well with mine that I was inspired to mention it.

No matter what we are doing, I rarely meet someone who doesn’t feel they should be doing more (especially women)  And one of my favorite quotes is a Buddhist saying, “You can search the world over and will never find anyone more deserving of your love than yourself”.

It’s shown up in different ways at different times in my life: Running on injuries and making them worse.  Eating disorders in high school. Doing a double degree program in grad school (& working part time).  Pushing my

self through many years of illness and not reaching out for help when I needed it.  Not only didn’t I get the love and support I needed, but I deprived my friends of the opportunity to be there for me, too.  At this point I consider myself a recovering Type A.   I understand my actions, and yet, wish I could have had the wisdom to be kinder and gentler to myself and put “me first” more often.  I also struggle with step 2 of “me first”, which is not feeling guilty about step 1.

I’ve made “me first” a priority, and .  I meditate almost every day, and host a mediation group, too.  I eat good food and thoroughly enjoy my indulgences.  As you well know, Iplan our meals weekly, which greatly reduces my stress.  Especially in the summer-ish months, I’m outside enjoying nature every day.  I have a job I adore and am working on the ability to say “no”.

And yet it’s still an every day practice.  I have even more need to put my wellbeing first, especially as we get ready to move and there is much more chaos at home.  So I’m hoping the badge will help remind me of what is most important.  Some people view self-care as extravagant or self-indulgent, but IMHO, that couldn’t be further than the truth.  Children learn their self worth through how they are treated, but also the way we treat ourselves.  And I know I function better and am a better human being when I take good care of myself.  I can’t do anywhere near as much to help the people I love take better care of themselves (or my clients) unless I first take care of myself, and treat myself with kindness and gentleness.

Now, it’s time for bed.

Peace, love and broccoli,

Cheryl

Continue Reading